bell Jar #10

She thinks that he would be a good person for her to sleep with because he 'looked promising'. But it was only after he took her to his study that she decided to seduce him. She felt that her first had to be intelligent and experienced, since she lacked it. He was a professor so he had smarts and his lady friend reassured Esther that he had experience. She also wanted someone who would she didn't really know and wouldn't ever have to see them again. What really reassured her was that she had been 'defending' her virginity for so long and it was about time she lost it. She was sick of being a virgin.

After getting it on with Irwin she definitely does not feel better because, as she explained, it was painful. It wasn't the transformation she was expecting. In a way, she was relieved to not have that burden anymore.